June 25th

June 25th is my oldest brothers birthday.

And honestly I forgot.

I knew that date meant something to me, like an internal alarm clock set yearly. It wasn’t until the end of my day when I realized.

Big bro would’ve been 28, 7 years without him.

So I asked myself, how could I forget such a day?

Over the years, it’s helped me cope. Forgetting but not forgetting.

I think I started beating myself up after and then aaalll the frustration of him gone flows in.

I remembered what I was missing, what I don’t have anymore. He was the only one that could call me his little sis, I only hear big sis now.

I then realized how deep of sadness I was going and started praying. It’s not a bad thing to be sad but it’s bad when you stay in that moment to long.

I prayed, changed my perspective, went through my steps in my previous post about my brother and was able to stop crying.

He just reminded me of all the other things I’ve lost and all the other things that’s caused me pain. Had to release the people who hurt me, left me, the things said to me, it just was a whole clean up session with God.

I went to work and realized I had some moments, I just closed my eyes and called Jesus. One moment I took a walk to get Starbucks, more so for the walk not the white hot chocolate. Another time I called my mom, she originally thought someone pissed me off at work and was about to pull up lol (she was trying to make me laugh, don’t take that too deep).

A new day now and I see how much better I’ve gotten over the years when it comes to his birthday and the day he passed. Rearranging my room, I came across the newsletter that told his story on his passing and his program from his funeral and all I could say was you are no longer in pain. That did not trigger the pain again.

If you are going through something, reach out for help, pray, and change your perspective.

Watch yourself grow.

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