“These are signs of love making…”

This is a Three part story.

Let me tell you what happened.

I meet this guy, nothing crazy. We were chating it up and one of the topics that came across was being celibate or in his words practicing chasity. To give you a good picture, he was someone I meet on social media just having good conversation. It started to become annoying because he never really wanted to be a friend.

We talked on this topic all day, in dept, it was crazy, discussing our beliefs on being celibate. In all, his intentions were wrong.

I do not remember how I started talking to my ex, but I ended up telling him the story and how frustatrted I was because of all the back lash I’ve been getting from walking this walk.

Now hold on, my ex has been a good friend since I was 15, he was sitting at my table for my sweet 16 party. Even though we were not together we where really cool with each other. Oh so I thought.

Okay back to the story, so around this time I was experiencing a love lost that I never knew existed. But I was searching to fill this void in all the wrong places. Of course that’s not what you see in the mist of it all.

I started to think of all the things I don’t have to see if any of those things would fill this emptiness. I didn’t have a family of my own, so I told my “best friend” if I was to have a child it would be between him and someone else that I used to hold dear to my heart. I knew if I hit them up and said lets have a child, they would be down no hestitation. He said yea he would have a child with me. I started to say, we need to be married, we need a plan, so on and so on.

That night I knew I was trippen and needed to go to sleep and just be in God’s present. I did tell him I was having a moment and I’ll be back to my senses in the morning. He did ask me to come over that night and I said no, I was weak.

Next morning, I was alright, he hit me up and asked to chill. I wanted to go to the movies, I forgot what movie it was but, I really wanted to see it and I didnt want to pay for it, so I made him take me.

After the movies we go back to his place, chatting it up with his sister for a while and then we started cuddling and talking about life.

We had a discussion, we had a plan all before I said yes to giving him my body. I asked if he would leave me after? What if we did get married, will we be happy? What if it doesn’t work out, would you leave me? How’s your relationship with God? If I get pregnant, how would we afford a child? He was planning on going into the Army, so we talked about a plan around that. What we would do? How we would go about it? With confidence I felt okay with everything.

I experienced pain, disappointment and failure all at one time. I thought it would be different, I thought I would feel satisfied after. That is not how this story goes. Then I started to think, there are Christians who have children before they get married and it works out for them. I became discouraged that I’ll never have that kind of happiness. So he said all the right things to make me feel comfortable with what we just did.

After everything, I felt betrayal and disgusted with myself. How could I be so weak?

My 1st thought and question was if he was going to leave me? He said no what king of person do I think he is. I told him I don’t know what to expect now. I’m looking for him to talk along the lines of a relationship and I told him all the things he said to me, he tells me, “I dont want a realtionship because I dont know where I’ll be stationed when I get into the army, like if I move to another country.”

I’m like it shouldn’t matter if you had plans on marrying me, you make it work. I was so messed up with everything because in all you were my best friend before ANYTHING else. He robbed me and I fell for his tricks.

Havent spoken to him since. THREE MONTHS LATER.

I went to my Father (Jesus) and broke down. I broke the soultie in Christ name. I had several moments with God beating myself up mentally. Forgiving myself everytime I tought about the whole thing and forgave him. I confessed to my sis for another miss all that had happened.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” – James 5:16

So it starts all over again. Seven years gone in one night. I just prayed God have mercy on me and my body that I don’t have a child or a disease.

He was my best friend even though we dated for 2 years when I was in college. I’ve slept over his house before many times, of course it was a struggle, couple slip ups, we repented together and started over, never had sex. I didn’t think cuddling with him that time would go so far. I broke up with him because we were feeding our flesh and worldly needs, we were not helping each other get closer to God in any way.

So I asked God why now, why seven years in? Seven means obstacles overcome and successes realized. The number seven is the foundation of God’s word.

To Be Continued…

2 thoughts on ““These are signs of love making…”

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